Dear Trader Joe's Guy,
Oh man! This is like a wacky situational comedy! First of all, I feel like this is probably the first time in history that someone has actually seen one of these posts about them. However, the second time in history was also yesterday when my friend Russell stumbled across a Craigslist Missed Connection post about him. What a weird coincidence. I didn't even know people really read these things.
In further crazy news, it turns out that two of my really good friends kind of know you. Bennett Holt and Sasha Frenzy recognized your name when I forwarded this email to them-- they apparently had a class with you or something?
Anyway! I'd love to hang out sometime! I just moved here a few weeks ago for school and I have a few close friends here that I know from past lives but I'm psyched about making new ones, especially ones who aren't law students. I mean, most of my fellow law students are actually really cool but whenever we get together we end up talking about personal jurisdiction or intentional torts or something gross like that (by the way, those are the only law terms I actually know so far).