Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Normally the Only Hot Cops I Like Are the Ones GOB Knows

apparently this is in cardiff. those wacky welsh! finally, a part of my heritage i can be proud of.[photo via Robb1e]

Our neighbors were burgled yesterday, which seriously, seriously sucks for them. They seem like nice dudes. But then: you and your partner came to interview my roommate and me regarding the burglary. When I told you my last name, you told me there was an ultimate fighter with the same last name. "You related? I thought maybe you could get me an autograph." Sadly, I'm not, and I can't. My roommate thought you were flirting. I couldn't tell, because I was too distracted by your dimples.

If I can get over my inherent distrust of authority, we should hang out sometime under better circumstances. Bring the cuffs.

Update 12/16: I only got two responses to this post. One was short and boring, and the other was the following, which is at least entertaining, if nothing else.

Hey hun.. you . I think my friend is the guy who was the cop who interviewed you. Because my friend told me that he interviewed to cute girls that lived next to some guy who got robbed. But i dont know what the chances are that you are the girl because i never look at this part of craigslist.. and i tried it 2day and found this and i thought that was funny and weird if ur that girl lol

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Dude with Derelicte Shoes

I just assumed you were gay, since I assume every cute dude I meet is gay until proven otherwise (I find it saves time). Plus, you were selling stuff at a craft fair, so...signs were not pointing in a straight direction.

But maybe you weren't? And you actually really thought my shoes were rad in the way that straight dudes can totally find girls' shoes rad? Your own shoes were apparently, if you are to be believed, stolen from a homeless dude. Which is rad also.

In any event, you were cute and I would totally shill for your wares anytime.

Monday, September 14, 2009

Christmas Porn

[photo via AmandaB3]

You: cute improv boys perusing our "free" shelves at the tail end of our stoop sale.
Me: tired lady hawking books and DVDs, including "The Bitch That Stole Christmas" with hot elf action.

You seemed cool. You wished me a Merry Christmas as you left, while I was trying to hide the porn from the children that walked up. I hope you enjoy your items - you really should have taken MILF Handlers with you, though.

I posted this last night, like, 10 minutes after the described encounter. So far, three responses:

The Opportunistic Perv:
Gee, I missed your yard sale. : (
Is "The Bitch . . . " DVD still available? It sounds like a good addition to my eclectic collection.

The Dim Romantic:
im watching sun night football (well - watched, game just ended) and poking around.your post is absolutely hilarious. im wondering if any normal people post ads on craigs list. whatever normal means. probably just not creepy?im 27, originally from bklyn. im not creepy. and im smart, cool, fun, good looking, etc. just seeing who's out there..

The Realistic:
Your posting made me laugh, thinking of you trying to hide the porn from the kids. Thank you for that.

All I ever want is to make people laugh, y'all.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

To our one reader left...I'm back in the swing of things!

Crunch- 8 pm - The return of the missed connection and Ponytail 2.0 (minus the ponytail) - w4m - 26

you: dark brown hair, dark eyes, navy shorts, white shirt, black sneaks & socks, unbelievably gorgeous
me: red head, tan top, black pants, serious staring problem

Ok so I'll admit I've seen you at the gym before....and I have definitely noticed you. But tonight - I was seriously staring you down! I was checking you out when I was on the elliptical and found it hard to concentrate. I think you sensed me watching and you went upstairs. I don't blame you - I might be creeped out too. but I have to tell you - I am NOT creepy I promise! You are just so cute. I saw you again as you were leaving. I was working out with a trainer and ran to get some water. I almost bumped into you and we made eye contact. We held it a little longer than "normal," so I'm thinking you might think I'm cute too. Or you were noting my facial details to fill out a restraining order. Either way, I just wanted to let you know that you were the best part of my workout.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Non-Speed Dater at the Black Rabbit

You: charming-looking bespectacled fellow at the corner of the bar
Me: brunette saddled with an awkward internet date

I put our empties on the corner of the bar where you were sitting and bumped into you. Oh, how I wish I had been there alone so I could have talked to you! I was frantically trying to envision a way to get my card out of my wallet and slip it into your coat pocket without the strange man with whom I was on a date noticing. But before I could figure it out, you were gone. Let's go there and not be awkward.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

MKE to EWR to Penn Station

They brought us a "snack box" with a packet of sausage, which seemed oddly appropriate, since I was the only woman passenger on the very light flight from Milwaukee to Newark. I was the girl in the green beret, gripping the arm of my chair in fear during takeoff; you were the fellow one row back in cute glasses and an earflap hat. Then I saw you on the train to Penn Station. I resolved to say something if you'd followed me onto the subway, but alas, that was where our paths diverged. If you're a fellow Midwestern transplant, hit me back and we can go to a bar where they serve Spotted Cow.