Friday, March 28, 2008

A Brief Lesson in Rapacity

Avid readers of this blog will recall a recent post regarding an email I received from the creepy "cutie with a beanie" guy, who apparently needed a lecture on letting go. If you're not one of the dedicated few, please direct your attention here before going any further. So yeah, this guy (who goes by the pseudonym "JJ" by the way) was weird. But in the back of my mind- because I'm an idealist (or slightly delusional) - I still thought perhaps he wasn't actually a creep. Maybe he was just a passionate person who thought we shared a strong connection and got upset when I stopped responding. And just because I was not feeling it, that doesn't make him a total weirdo right?

I still chose not to respond. But I left the window of hope slightly ajar, just in case the breeze of second chances and renewed prospects was to come a blowin'.

Then I found this.

So this guy is officially a serial missed connection responder. He does not even live here, yet he looks through the NYC MC's like it's his part-time job.

Fuck second chances. If you think he's creepy- go with that.

Monday, March 10, 2008

History's First Recorded Missed Connection

Passing stranger! you do not know how longingly I look upon you,
You must be he I was seeking, or she I was seeking, (it comes to me
as of a dream,)
I have somewhere surely lived a life of joy with you,
All is recall'd as we flit by each other, fluid, affectionate,
chaste, matured,
You grew up with me, were a boy with me or a girl with me,
I ate with you and slept with you, your body has become not yours
only nor left my body mine only,
You give me the pleasure of your eyes, face, flesh, as we pass, you
take of my beard, breast, hands, in return,
I am not to speak to you, I am to think of you when I sit alone or
wake at night alone,
I am to wait, I do not doubt I am to meet you again,
I am to see to it that I do not lose you.

-- Walt Whitman, "To a Stranger"

Thursday, March 6, 2008

sexy, sexy fractals

first, i noticed your cool, brown, long-underwear looking shirt that was just retro enough.

then, i saw that you were very cute and had unkempt brown hair under your baseball cap.

then - and this was the kicker - i saw that you were reading a magazine article about benoit mandelbrot. swoon!

you got off the train at union square. why, oh why, is my office in soho?

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Mama said, "There'd be days like this."

Question: When is it acceptable to berate a long-distance sort of semi-penpal whom you met through a random missed connection that was obviously not even intended for you and haven't talked to in over 2 1/2 months?


Answer: Never.

Never people.

Perhaps you all (don't) remember the strange boy who contacted me after I posted an MC for a very cute guy at The Shins concert? The guy who does not live in NYC but must randomly look through the MC's for fun and just CANNOT for whatever reason get over the kitchy-cute humor of the phrase "cutie with a beanie"..... Yeah that guy.

Well we had a civil back and forth correspondence for a few weeks but it fizzled out. I'm sorry, to say it "fizzled out" is incorrect because this implies there was something there to begin with. I just didn't respond back to ONE email and he never wrote back. I thought he wasn't feeling it either, so we were cool. However when glancing at my email the other day, I saw a new message from him. It was short and to the point:

To: Me
From: Weirdo Guy who I have not talked to in almost 3 MONTHS

"I'm really surprised. I'm usually a very good judge of character.
You didn't strike me as someone who would just blow off our correspondence."
Seriously? This is obviously not worth the time to respond to, because what would be the point? - except to clear my conscious ("No I've just been really busy. I'm a good person, I swear! Let's have some more meaningless banter about NOTHING!"). Besides he clearly needs to learn that ever so important life-lesson:

Appearing bitter and kind of angry with someone you haven't even met and only shared a few short (and awkward) emails with = not a turn on

Learn it. Live it. People.

Monday, March 3, 2008

bacardi silver dude at girls' night out

look...i'm sorry.

i'm really sorry you had to work as a bartender at the bacardi silver booth at the awful conglomeration of vendors and women that was shecky's girls' night out. i literally cannot imagine what it would have been like for you. hundreds of women demanding free jolly rancher-flavored drinks? it must have been ridiculous.

but when my friends were trying on many t-shirts at the booth across the way at the end of the night, i saw you bust a move a little bit. so maybe it wasn't so bad.

plus i'm sure you made some cash, though, at least, right? maybe you can buy another sweet-ass straw fedora that made you look so cute. i should have written my number on the dollar i put in your tip jar. someone else probably tried that, though. damn.

dog in a bag

we both got off the L at graham, and you were carrying your dog in a tote bag with her name on it. you and she were both very cute. i wanted to say hello, but she was being sassy when you were trying to let her roam free after the train ride. next time, can i pet her?