the waiting is the hardest part: a scene

[it is 3:15am in a New York City subway stop. a GIRL enters the deserted platform. the sign indicating the ETA of the next train reads 37 minutes. a BOY enters the platform. he looks at the sign, glances about, barrels up the stairs, then back down.]
BOY: Is that for real? Is it? Is that FOR REAL?
GIRL: I doubt it.
BOY: [with the nervous energy of a squirrel hoarding his nuts] I’m brand new! I don’t know what to do! Is that FOR REAL? Seriously? That’s when the train is coming?
GIRL: Well, one time it said the next train was in, like, 20 minutes, and it was actually only about 4. So maybe we should give it some time.
BOY: What do I do? What do I do? I’m new! I’ve only been here two weeks!
GIRL: Where are you going?
BOY: Greenpoint.
GIRL: Well, you can wait, or you can get a car. That’s pretty much it.
[they stand awkwardly for about 2 minutes.]
BOY: I’m going to make a phone call. That train comes, you yell. You just yell as loud as you can.
GIRL: I will.
[the GIRL waits another two minutes, then exits the platform and joins the BOY on the street]
BOY: You giving up?
GIRL: Yeah, I’m not going far. Are you cool to get where you’re going?
BOY: My friend called me a car. Maybe we could share?
GIRL: Well, we are going the same way.
BOY: Well, actually, no, see, my friend, she’s paying for it, and…
GIRL: Oh, this is mine. Good luck.
[they shake hands.]

He was mildly cute, but seemed like he may have had a drug problem.

to the boy with the mama and baby elephant tattoo who commiserated with me at the montrose stop about the length of time the train was taking until we both gave up and took cars - i hope you made it home safely. it's not always that crazy.

My Two Favorite Posts From Today

If you can relate to this... - m4w - 35 (Gramercy)

I assure you I'm not a sick perverted freak. I will send you my pic, promise.

I want a girl that can appreciate being spoiled with garter belts, drinks, friendship, and all that good stuff.

If you apprecaite the beauty of garter belts and stockings, and love wearing them, we would get along so well.

I'm tall, dark, and handsome, promise.

Oh, and normal.

***

White Girl with Big Booty - m4w - 29

White girl with a thin face and body, but with a really big and round ass and wide hips.

Do you exist? Please contact me.

pirate update, part 2

Turns out our friend redbeard is a pool aficionado. An excerpt from the latest missive:

Im a big pool player, Im pretty good but Im all about having fun when
I play... I play with alot of people who get upset or actually angry
if they lose or whatever - I'm totally not like that, its a game, if
I wanted to get upset at it then I'd have to call it work.
There are folks who cant play to save their life but still enjoy the
social aspect of it and have fun, and there are folks who cant play
and dont like to try...

If your one of the first perhaps a game is in order some day...

I'm not even going to address the punctuation problems. Under normal circumstances, the flagrant misuse of your/you're would mean automatic disqualification, but it's all for you, children. It's all for you.

Craigslist Waxes Poetical

Noticed some peeps getting a little more creative:

my store, the knife - m4m - 21 (West Village)

you take my breath a way ay ee ay ay ee ay



you were the saddest song in the shape of a woman... - w4w - 24

and i thought you were beautiful.
N train downtown 1:00 am



LL

whenever i see you the rest of the day my blood feels all fizzy there, did you feel it of course not



We work together and you know I like you - m4w - 37

just give in already.


These folks get right to the point. Or, completely avoid the point.

update: pirate edition

so the pirate and i have been trading emails back and forth; a meeting has not been proposed as yet by either party, but we have had a fair amount of conversations re:

• movies
• his aversion to both hair and jesus christ superstar
• gambling, including something calledthe "comp list" for atlantic city, which apparently means he is some sort of high roller
• he sent me the link to his other graphic design website where he describes some of his work, including a screenplay that [this is not verbatim to circumvent any sort of googling mishaps] involves a battle against a robotic garbage entity gone crazy.
• a film called zardoz which looks AMAZING(LY BAD)

when this busy week is over, maybe i will suggest this fellow and i take in a film. any ideas?

This is Not an Anthem

I consider myself to be a liberated woman.

I mean, the only way I'd ever burn a bra is if one accidentally caught fire on my curling iron but I've read Betty Friedan and Judith Butler and Bitch magazine. I can rock high heels and lipstick with the best of them but I've traveled by myself and I've lived by myself and I've spent more of my adult life single than partnered because I don't want to settle.

At brunch with a friend this weekend, I heard myself chant that familiar refrain: "I'd rather be by myself than with the wrong person." I expected her to agree but she surprised me by admitting that her last relationship caused her to question her commitment to that philosophy.

After taking a step back, I realized that she was right. As a single woman with no real prospects, it's easy for me to look at the unhealthy relationships of others and say that I'm better off but what happens when I'm in an unhealthy relationship of my own? I know so many strong, amazing women who, in the context of a relationship or a potential relationship, will put up with the most outrageous bullshit and I can't say that I'm entirely immune to this condition.

Sasha told me about a conversation she recently overheard on the street. A woman was complaining to her friend about her relationship problems and the friend responded frankly, "Hey, at least you got a man."

At least you've got a man.

At the end of the day, is that what it's all about? I've been financially independent for three years, I've backpacked across foreign continents by myself, I know how to change a light bulb and catch a spider and refill the air in my tires. I'm in law school. I'm my own knight in shining armor, why should I need a man to validate me?

But there it is. I had a moment this summer in a train station somewhere in Eastern Europe, lost and alone and rain-soaked, when I realized... I can't do this alone. Life is hard and I know I can kick ass but I can kick even more ass if I have someone to hold my purse.

What a Gem

Now you don't even have to post missed connections on missed connections. you can post potential connections. honestly, the only thing sadder and more cowardly than posting your crush is this...

Why are you girls like that - m4w - 27

I find that if I like a guy and he's not necessarily into me, it doesn't matter if I show that I like him because some guys just don't notice a girl likes them until they get pissed about another girl.

Let me put it this way: if a girl finds any excuse in the world to just be around you ("Um, hey...I had some extra paper clips, I thought you might like some"), listens to your music(they normally listen to the Crystal Method and suddenly "love" Blink 182 which just happens to be your favorite band), starts watching movies you like, eats food you like, etc....chances are pretty good that they want you. Bad. You just need to pay better attention next time around.

This is all very good, between these last 2 post i've learned and been reminded of much, women please keep the infornmation going your saving me tons in therapy fees. Now heres the dilema from what i see, i may have several friends who like, and so i might like them whats the perfect way that you ladies would like to be asked out, keep in mind where friends and i don't want the awkwardness of a rejection lol


Also, even though this says m4w, its kind of hard to figure out if the poster is male or female and what his/her sexual orientation is. Ah, craigslist.

Well, There You Go.

REQUEST for all single women taking the train tomm - m4w

Single ladies!
Tomm, we will have codes in which u indicate to us men that u are single...

For single women looking for a guy, hold a plastic bag in your left hand on the train tomm..

For older women looking for a younger guy, hold a closed NY Post in your hand with the letter Y on top of the paper...

For the freaky women, hold a white T-shirt in your right hand..

For the gold-diggers, wear a "I am a gold digger T-shirt"


Lets make this happen tomm ladies...
If successful, at least 2,000 lonely women will not be lonely tomm...

i think this might complete some sort of triumvirate

magician? check.
juggler? check.
PIRATE? CHECK.

In response to my low-hopes post of the other day:

N writes:
not your dude
just saw your post and liked it
HI

ok Im really hung over I was a pirate in the bar all night
gotta go back to sleep

night night

this was written at 2:09 pm, incidentally. my kind of fella, I thought. so I replied:

bar pirate? that sounds amazing. i don't even know what that would entail.
hope you're not hung over anymore.

20 minutes later:

hehe
well I went to the Renaissance fair yesterday...
and when I got back instead of going home I went to the bar.
Actually I looked more along the lines of somone out of RobinHood,
but everyone kept saying I was a pirate - so finally I just starting
agreeing.

ugh I actually am still hung over!!!
ugh...
its pretty bad, my head is killing me.

man I wish I had a smurfs dvd...

how was RE by the way?
- Nick

HOLD ON.

Renaissance faire??? This is even better than I thought. And by "better," I mean "better for story purposes," not "oh sweet jesus I want a ren faire guy for a boyfriend."

The thing is, I investigated the domain name to which his email is attached, and it's his graphic design firm's website. His PIRATE-THEMED graphic design firm's website.

This could be very, very fruitful.

Genius... Why Haven't We Thought of This?!

Missed Connection with the girl of my dreams - w4w

She looks something like this...



So we don't even have to meet actual Missed Connections anymore? We can just post pictures of people we think are hot and then go out with all of the people who (claim to) look like that?

p.s. I think this girl looks a bit like Bennett...

a backpack full of $$$

Mondo - 2am - an animal print t-shirt and a backpack - mid-20's

you: cute, scruffy, foreign, with some seriously high socks
me: blonde, white tank top and jeans, with some seriously blinging jewelry

I don't know if it was the retro pop, the sweet smelling stench of moving bodies, or your diffident moves on the dance floor- but something about you was working for me. I couldn't think of a thing to say, but when you touched my shoulder and told me you were getting a drink- I knew I had to make the next move. When you came back, I leaned in and complimented your backpack- I like a man who comes prepared for anything. Then you said something about it containing a million dollars. (In the words of Kanye West) I'm not saying I'm a gold digger- but I would say yes if you put some of that cash towards our first date.

I Get Confused About the Express Trains

N train from Park Slope - 1am - black t-shirt - 25

you: light-colored hair, black "***** **** ****" t-shirt
me: dark hair, bloodshot blue eyes, falling asleep

We both got on the N at 9th St in Park Slope. I asked you if the train would stop near NYU. It was a long-ish ride and a nearly empty train so I might have been tempted to chat but, as you may have noticed, I was falling asleep in my seat. Maybe another time?

Sage Advice Indeed

Attn: all women who ride the subway - m4w - 32

To make things easier.Number one be observant! I find most of you are all up in your books,magazines,ipods,staring at the floor and what not.This is not conducive to meeting someone.Ok unless you happen to have a bf,hubby,having a bad day,death in the family etc.. then its ok to do that.Besides being observant there maybe a time a terrorist plots a nefarious plot and you manage to see the bag of explosives he left behind.You could become a heroine!Secondly if you do happen to notice a man checking you out and giving you a smile please smile back!! If he is not your type or happens to be a weirdo then obviously you will not look back at him.So like I said smile once then smile again ... sometimes a guy needs to be reassured that its not just his imagination or that maybe the guy that's next to him is the one getting smiled at lol lastly if time is short and both like one another then this is the place to post ! lol but if and the man are not strapped for time then once you exit the subway give him that come here look the man should follow and make convo ok? well it wont work like that most of the time buy anyways that's my suggestion to make things simple and maybe meet a great person!


I'm glad he gives an exception for a death in the family because otherwise that's harsh!

MC in the OH

Ok, I am like 87% sure this one's for a mutual friend of ours!

farmer's market at mccarren, girl from s. oh college town - m4w - 30

I was looking at tomatoes at the farmer's market, and when I looked up, I think I recognized you from A-town, OH. You are very attractive; I always thought you were. I'd love to get a coffee with you sometime, if you're interested. --Redhead Guy

i have v. low expectations for this one.

...but I mostly just wanted to post something containing the phrase "awesome gun battles."

you: tall, red t-shirt, popcorn, soda, all alone seeing resident evil this afternoon.
me: a few rows back with my friends.

i like to take in a movie solo once in a while, too, but it seems like you would want a companion to turn to and say "HOLY SHIT!!" when a giant fireball and/or awesome gun battles occur.

i'll get the popcorn next time?

Breakin' It Down

I've been pondering (as temp work supplies ample time to do) the nature and definition of the missed connection. More specifically, when one sees a person with whom they have "missed connected" with more than once - when do you cross the line from missed connection to crush/creep stalker? And, when does the posting of a missed connection become inappropriate?

So, let us back track a bit for the sake of context.
A missed connection is:

A. Missed (verb) 1.fail to hit reach, or come in contact with
2.pass by without touching

B. Connection (noun) 1.a relationship with a person, place or thing that is linked or associated with something else
8. supplier of narcotics (to follow the metaphor through, in our case, the drug is love/lust - get on board here people!)

A Crush (verb)* is defined as:

1. to press or squeeze with a force that destroys or deforms.
2. to squeeze or pound into small fragments or particles, as ore, stone, etc.
6. to hug or embrace forcibly or strongly: He crushed her in his arms.
8. to overwhelm with confusion, chagrin, or humiliation, as by argumentation or a slighting action or remark; squelch.
9. to oppress grievously.
10. Archaic. to finish drinking (wine, ale, etc.).

*Please note, the definitions of crush turned out to be a lot worse than I expected. As an (almost) linguistics minor, I should have seen it coming.


All of this information begs the question, at what point do you stop "passing by without touching" and start "overwhelming with confusion," and is the transition even visible?


One often sees postings on CL-MC such as this one:

"TOMMY, YOU ARE CUTE. m4m - East Village.

Heyy ,just wanted to tell u that u are super cute .You are allways nice to me and every time I see you I fall in love with you .My hormons are in over drive today ,all because I spent time in your company last night...........Maybee some day we'll get to play.....Love You"

Now, this poster has poor grammar and a questionable understanding of the difference between love and lust. But, none the less, this wasn't a case of passing someone on the street, and, suddenly, they are lost the crowd. This is an on-going attraction/crush. Is it mere cowardice on the part of Tommy's paramour to post an MC?

To bring it all back around to a few very practical applications:
Will posting an MC for my barista prevent me from showing my face at the only local vegan coffee shop?
Will posting an MC for the only cute/not soul-less ad exec create awkward tension at work?
Is posting an MC for an ongoing crush/acquaintance ever appropriate? Is there ever a situation where it would elicit a positive reaction?
Does anyone ever read these things anyway? (Besides the wrist models/Napoleans we've heard from.)



I leave you with this for pure amusement. TGIF y'all.

"Ric seeks Amanda Bynes. m4w - downtown.

I know this is kinda odd,

but im looking for my future wife.
Her name is Amanda Bynes.
Hopefully she can date me
and realize that i'm
the right one for her.
I heard she lives in NY or LA.
So i wrote this to find her,
if anyone knows her real phone number or email
let me know.

xoxo for Amanda Bynes.
laters
Ric.
[I know its a longshot, but i'll try anyway.]"

call me irresponsible

i'm a fairly responsible girl when it comes to employment. from the age of 16 to the age of 23, i worked for the same retailer based in my home state. i then worked for a large, though in its own way socially responsible, corporation and pretended to be a grown-up for a while, and then decided that sucked and hightailed it to the cit-ay. so if i ever end up in some sort of inside the actors studio-style interview situation in which i'm forced to discuss my "wacky jobs" of the past, i've got little to go on but my wild imagination and unsurpassed bullshitting* skills. until i got a job that was so loathsome that i was forced to desert, with nary a word to anyone. i was kind of hoping they'd think i died. but: there was one reason i was a little sad to leave.

three shifts, two train rides, one abandoned job
oh, Young Man at the Awful Job I Went To Exactly Three Times Before I Just Stopped Going and Never Called Or Even Texted Anyone To Let Them Know I Wouldn't Be Back. you were so earnest. we rode the train, shot the shit, flirted a little. i hoped you had a crush on me, as it seems it is so rare that i am the object of a crush.

so? did you? no more worries about that pen/company ink thing.


*i initially typed this as "bullshutting," which i think we should institute as a term for "calling someone out on their bullshitting," as in: the next time he brings up his past as a professional ballroom dancer, i'm bullshutting him the hell up.

Overheard at my Chocotini Happy Hour Table

"Wait... so the little person was your date?"

blue line blues - w4m

You smiled at me on the train this afternoon, but before I could think of a super-witty yet casual conversation starter, an older guy who smelled like stale cigarettes shoved his way in between us. This always happens to me. I mean, not specifically being jostled by old men who smoke too much - though now that I think about it, that does happen a lot on the CTA - but letting shyness get the better of me and losing the moment.

Later, at my stop, I tripped over someone's (strategically placed right in front of the doors) luggage. Yeah, I'm smooth.

you: tall guy with a reddish t-shirt and dark brown hair
me: fool with a black tank top, jeans and a ponytail

On the Job - wfm

In front of the Majestic yesterday around 2pm.

I was leaning on a railing, day dreaming about something, wearing a purple scarf. Caught you smiling at me as you walked by. Judging from the fact that you were wearing all black and had some kind of walky-talky thing, I think you were working.

Wish you had stopped to chat.

Curly's Last Stand

Previously on Misconnecting in the City...

Alex hears back from an unlikely Missed Connection. They plan a hot date in the produce aisle.

***

So remember that picture I showed you of the corner where I was supposed to meet Curly? Well, instead of looking like this:



It looked more like this:



Apparently the San Gennaro Street Fair was happening on that particular corner. The air was thick with smoke from burning corn dogs and the sidewalk was crawling with cops and Italians. I shouldered my way through the crowd, scanning the masses for curly hair and a brown t-shirt bearing a single word.

As I made my way across the street, I looked up and saw a very large, middle-aged man smiling in my direction, a giant stuffed tiger partially blocking his brown shirt. He started toward me and my heart stopped. Suddenly, he shifted the tiger under his arm to reveal a wordless t-shirt. I let out my breath as he passed.

A few moments later, I decided to walk in the direction of Curly's work, thinking I might have a better chance of running into him outside the crowd. Suddenly, a very short, pudgy guy barreled past me in a way that said "I am extremely Type A and am also wearing a very nerdy backpack."

He was also wearing a brown t-shirt.

Furthermore, one look at his mop of poorly-coiffed brown hair and my heart sank. This was neither Hot Dude from Mercer Street nor was it Also Hot Dude from MySpace Music. This was Not At All Hot Dude Who is Running to Meet Me on the Corner of Mulberry and Spring Because He is One Minute Late While Also Wearing a Very Nerdy Backpack.

Oh my god.

I decided to take a deep breath and wait another minute. Maybe that wasn't him. Surely "brown shirt and curly hair" could describe at least three guys standing on this street corner. I waited another minute.

I finally decided to make my way across the street (and the literally ten zillion people) to the park, which was our official meeting place and Little Napolean is standing right there and he definitely has some sort of word on his brown shirt and oh my god, he's on his cell phone, he's probably calling me, RUN.

And so I ran.

It took me two full blocks to realize that I am actually the biggest jerk in the tri-state area. Did I seriously just stand someone up? Because he's punctual and is concerned about proper spinal alignment? Yes, I have a huge project sitting at home that's due tomorrow but people have feelings, dammit, and you march yourself right back there, missy.

So I went back.

And he was gone.

So I went to Whole Foods.

And I bought ice cream.

Which I am eating right now.

Out of the carton.

Good night.

Foot Fetish Man Strikes Again

Ok, so a few weeks ago I was walking on 9th street near Avenue A and this completely normal-looking dude glances down as he passes me and says, "Beautiful feet." I was wearing flip-flops and would say that I have average to slightly-above-average feet.

Today, I saw this Craigslist post:

14th St. PATH - U complimented me on my feet lol - w4m - 31 (Union Square)

We were waiting on the 14th St PATH Train and you said you liked my feet then you got on the Hoboken Train. Wish I got your name.

Thanks for the compliment.

So is this guy just wandering around lower Manhattan, complimenting women's feet? I feel sort of betrayed somehow.

Alex Has a Date Tonight! At, uh, Whole Foods?

Previously, on Misconnecting in the City...

Alex writes an improbable craigslist post for a cute boy that she randomly passed on the sidewalk. He somehow actually responds. Grocery shopping ensues.

***

A-

that is definetly perfect. I work on ****** and ******, so houston and bowery isnt that far. want to meet on Spring and Mulberry, by the park there. A two minute walk from the supermarket. about ***pm. Ill wear a brown shirt that says ******. If something doesnt work, give me a call: ***-***-****. See you later.

-R

I just want to add in a little plug for technology here. I've never been to the corner of Spring and Mulberry and have no knowledge of a park there but due to the magic that is Google Maps, I now know exactly what I'm looking for.



Seriously, y'all. Is that amazing or is that amazing?

Voice of God?

wfm - 25 (13th St.)

You: Up a ladder on 13th St early this morning
Me: Walking to work in a stripey dress

You said "Good Morning." I was entirely confused. Realized half-way down the block that the voice from above was you.

Come down for a cup of coffee tomorrow morning?

puppy love

you, and also your pug, are adorable - wfm - 26 (Downtown)

where: near the w4 stop, by those basketball courts where some INTENSE GAME always seems to be happening.
when: 8ish, sunday night
you: cute brown-haired boy walking your/someone else's pug/puggish puppy. i assume it was a puppy due to its rambunctiousness, and also due to the fact that it did not like walking on the leash, so you were dancing cutely at it in some sort of attempt to get it to walk, sort of like honeybees (i imagine) dance to tell the other honeybees where to get the pollen.
me: girl in a burgundy floral print dress and pink chucks, whispering "i want to pet that puppy," and getting busted (i think) by you.

i want to pet your puppy. seriously. that's a single entendre.

Curly Speaks, Pt. II

Previously on Misconnecting in the City...

Alex hears back from her curly-haired hit and run... or is it a singer-songwriting imposter?

***

Dudes, I think this might actually be the guy. Are you kidding me? Does everyone read these things or what?

R,

Hmmm, interesting...

Do you:

(a) have curly hair and occasionally (or ever) wear a grey t-shirt that has some sort of face printed on it
or
(b) not have curly hair and a grey t-shirt but are cool / worth hanging out with for some other reason?

Let me know,
A

***

A-

I do have curly hair. I also have a million t shirts, so many i cant even keep track of them all. I definetly have some grey ones with face-like things printed on. Even better, Im definitely worth hanging out with. We should get together. I work right on mercer street. i finish in the evenings. want to hang out?

-R

***

I'm contemplating my response. Should I suggest the five minute date? I actually might only have time for one this week. I'm also thinking that, given my track record of social awkwardness on dates, maybe I should suggest something sort of active that doesn't involve lots of inane question-asking and eye contact (or the avoidance thereof).

Thoughts? Suggestions?

***

UPDATE: I replied.

R,

for sure! this week's a little bonkers for me but i can sneak out tomorrow for a bit if you're free. i have a project due wednesday morning but i do need to go on a grocery run. want to join me on the trek to whole foods?

A

RE: Happy Monday!!

"RE:Happy Monday!!" = the subject of the email that Hal* the Hand Model just sent me.

Now, "RE:" implies that I sent him an email with the subject, "Happy Monday." Of course, I sent no such e-mail. In fact, since finding him on myspace and deciding that even the 5 Minute Date was going to suck my soul and leave my dry for all future missed (or actual) connections - I've been trying to figure out how to get rid of him.

So, basically, to recap, I'm partially confused and entirely dis-interested.

Do I just never email him back? That seems cruel. Especially since his email ended with a graphic of a smiling and winking happy face. Smiling AND winking.

NOOOOOOOOOOO

All I want to do is post my missed connections! Is that SO HARD, craigslist??

Curly Speaks! (Maybe)

Previously on Misconnecting in the City...

Alex exchanges smiles but not phone numbers with a cute, curly-haired dude on Mercer while wearing the same dress that she's worn in her last, like, four missed connections. Adeptly observes that he's wearing a shirt.

***

subject: im wondering?

I work right there. was that you? we should go get some coffee. i dont remember what shirt that was.

-R

Following Bennett's sage advice, I searched for him on MySpace, Facebook, and Google before even drafting a response. Despite my enviable internet stalking skills, I found nothing useful except a MySpace Music profile for a dude in New York who has the same (extremely uncommon) first name as my would-be suitor.

The good news: he doesn't appear to be a juggler, a magician, or a hand model (you can't make this stuff up, folks) and going out with him will probably not limit my future discounted wine prospects. The other good news: he's actually a pretty good musician and looks cute in his pictures. The bad news: he doesn't have curly hair or a beard so it's probably not the same guy. Or maybe he just got a hair cut?

What should I say? Should I just meet him for coffee or ask him for more info? Clearly I need to spend at least three posts over-analyzing this.

You Can Kiss Two Buck Chuck Goodbye

I never heard back from Trader Joe's Guy after my candid admission of google stalking. It's not a huge loss for the blog, nor for my personal life, but I just realized that there is only one Trader Joe's in Manhattan and now where am I supposed to get my three dollar wine? Smooth move, Alex.

The Missed Connections We Don't Actually Post

When: Friday night, 1:30am
Where: Lower East Side dance floor
You: mid-50s, dancing earnestly, business suit
Me: mid-20s, sipping water, same orange dress I've been wearing for three days

You asked me to dance and I told you that my mouth was full of ice. You asked me if I was shy. I told you that my mouth was full of ice. You asked me to dance again. My friends saved me. Here's a tip: If you ask a woman thirty years your junior to dance and she says that she can't because her mouth is full of ice, take that as a no.


When: Saturday night, 10:00pm
Where: birthday party of a mutual friend
You: only single guy at the party
Me: awkward

I feel like I have so many more inane comments and bungled jokes than I got the chance to share with you last night. Maybe we can meet for coffee so that I can embarrass myself further?


When: Saturday night, 2:00am
Where: the G train
You: wasted, falling on me, yelling indecipherably
Me: really not interested

Ew.

Someone Wrote Back to the Juggler...

RE: missed connection to occur today - m4w - 23, w4m - 20

I was in the city today, with the hopes to at least catch a glimpse of the mysterious poster who unassumingly piqued my curiosity. Unfortunately, I have a terrible sense of direction and I could not make it in time. I don't suppose you'd make another appearance?

***

RE: missed connection juggler in thompkins square... - m4w - 23

it seems we missed a connection despite my efforts to have one with you. so i will once again be juggling today. this time it will be at 3:15ish, washington square park. the hat will be present. the v-neck shirt will black. the shorts will be grey. and the juggling will be amatuer at best...

***

To the mystery juggler who will be at Washington Square Park - w4m

I must admit for a complete stranger, you invoke much intrigue. However, if I were not too shy, I would have actually gathered the courage needed and came to see your "performances".

I was completely lost and late the first time. And it appears you may not have read the reply I had written. And this time, I appear to have gotten "cold feet".

If you're the least bit interested in a stranger, you've "unassumingly captivated", post a reply entitled: "Follow the White Rabbit".

***

Follow the White Rabbit - m4w

If you don't know where you are going, any road will take you there...
i recommend trying 72nd street and 5th avenue

and look for a playing card by the white rabbit

but not before noon...


***

RE: Follow the White Rabbit - w4m

I honestly doubt you're the person (i.e. the juggler at Washington Square Park) I intended the post for.. however, thanks for the "recommended mockery". It was very much unappreciated.

***

RE: follow the white rabbit - m4w - 23

i'm sorry to hear that you did not think it was i, the juggler, who posted previously. but i can assure you it was me.

i was there at central park this afternoon. but i wasn't juggling (my reflexes are too tired). i realized that telling you to go to 76th and 5th avenue would have been better. my apologies...

go there, enter the park, and look to your left. upon finding the rabbit (this one is not white, but bronze), you might try looking around his hind legs, his left one in particular. when i checked at 6 this evening the card was still there, but i don't have much faith in the strength of scotch tape or curiosity of small children.

i hope you find it... let me know if you don't

Mercer near Bleecker in front of NYU Building, Curly Hair and Beard - w4m - 25 (Greenwich Village)

I was walking down Mercer with my roommate and we passed you on the sidewalk. You had dark curly hair and a beard (I think) and you were wearing a gray shirt with a guy's face on it (I didn't catch a glimpse of who it was). I have dark hair and was wearing an orange skirt and a turquoise shirt with boots. We smiled at each other but my roommate was mid-story so I couldn't stop to ask you who was on your shirt. Maybe we can meet for coffee sometime and I can get a better look?

Need a chair?

Nicky and I went to grab a drink at a local watering hole after seeing a show last night, and I was DETERMINED to miss a connection. When this encounter happened, I said to her: "I offered him a chair half because he needed it, but half to post." We talked a little bit about how it seems like cheating...or something...to actively *create* situations in which connections are missed. I won't bring up the uncertainty principle again, but I know that my general outlook on missed connections has changed since starting the blog.

Frankie posted:
You and your buddy looked at the available table next to me and my buddy, saw that the only way you could both sit was to sit beside each other on the bench against the wall, like teenagers in a 1950s soda shop, and rather adorably and awkwardly sat down. Seeing your discomfort, I offered you the chair that was rather unnecessarily holding my bag. I enjoyed your Coney Island t-shirt and your kickass blue and red sneakers. My friend and I should have invited you guys to sit with us, but we left shortly thereafter.

Would you like to have a drink (whilst sitting) sometime? You seem to enjoy both.

Connections, Missed and Otherwise

Is it wrong to post a Missed Connection that you had while you were on a sort of date with another missed connection? This is an ethical question that I pose to you, fair readers.

So, I went to Cafe Pick Me Up and the juggler was totally there. In fact, he was waiting for me and he was drinking tea and reading a book that he picked up on the dollar shelf at Strand. I told him I wanted to get some coffee first which gave me time to compose myself.

But, ok, so I'm standing in line and this guy asks me how much the free wireless costs but then totally extends the conversation for like 18 minutes longer than it takes to talk about internet fees and I was like "Hello, missed connection, thank you!"

Anyway. Back to the juggler.

It turns out that he doesn't actually live in New York. He's on a car-free cross-country road trip and is just in town for a few weeks. We talked a lot about traveling and he's really interested in social experimentation via craigslist so we had some interesting conversation about that. He's into it from mostly a random acts of kindness perspective which I found really refreshing and interesting.

There were no fireworks but he seems like a neat guy and I'm glad that we met. He took my email address but I didn't take his. One of the things we discussed is the beautiful kind of relationships you form while traveling. A relationship that "is what it is"-- you learn from each other and you create something memorable together and then you move on without the obligation to send Christmas cards every year. There's something nice about that, I think.

After coffee, I met up with Sasha, a friend I've had since I was sixteen, and we drank half-price chocolate martinis and strawberry mojitos and celebrated her new job.

And, you know, there's something nice about that, too.

RED ALERT RED ALERT ALL HANDS ON DECK

Realizing I had Hal's* email address, I looked him up on ye olde Myspace.

oh geez, ladies...let this be a lesson to us all - research first, reply to emails second.

A few highlights from his profile:
-A picture of him posing proudly next to Danny Devito- whom he is an entire inch taller than.
-He lists only magazines as his "Favorite Books"
-His blog entries are full of legnthy amateur restraurant reviews (ie snooooze fest)
-He wants to meet someone who "enjoys being wined and dined, and entertained as well..." (I'm sorry, this creeps me out. Maybe I just don't know how to let anyone treat me nice...but...well...it rings false.)
-A link to his website - classic/terrible comedian/magician schtick.

His claim that we will have "lots to talk about!" makes me a little scared.

So, with mounting evidence that this guy is a total douche, and, yet, for the sake of the blagh - do the 5 minute date anyway?

Mr. Itchy Trigger Finger

Hal* responded to my e-mail suggesting the 5 minute date in 2 minutes. Literally. 2 minutes. C'mon. Atleast take the time to spell check.

Also, his suggestion to call him before we go out defeats the purpose of the 5 minute date. Why can't he just get on board. And, what area code is 516? Geeessh.



hey bennett,

HAPPY FRIDAY!!


you're a *******-*********! that is amazing!! we have much to talk about!!

yea..i hang with models all the time..well, i am one, actually--a wrist model--watches and bracelets-i have the sexiest left wrist in the northeast...

any time i leave my apt, i am entertaining..i blow minds! i go to fashion/entertainment events on a weekly, basis, yes :) :)

5 minute blind date rule sounds titilating...interesting...wed or friday eh? wow, u sure are a busy gal..y dont u call me first so we can chat first..whats on deck for the weekend?

have a beautiful weekend!

cheers,

hal

516-***-****

It's All for the Blog, Y'all, It's All for the Blog

Previously on Misconnecting in the City...

Cute-sounding juggler posts Missed Connections ad suggesting that a mystery woman drop more than just money in his hat. Alex's friends weigh in.

***

I almost didn't go. I have a project due at 5:00 and an eyebrow wax at 3:30 and I just didn't know if I had to time to squeeze a craigslist adventure in between.

Around 1:30, it occurred to me that I always have time for a craigslist adventure (hello!) so I threw on a cute outfit and hauled ass to Tompkins Square Park, dragging my roommate along for the ride.

It was hot and humid and we got lost a few times on the way, repeatedly bemoaning the fact that "there's no way anyone would juggle for a whole hour" but we pushed onward. We made it to the park around 2:15 and after a few minutes' survey of the park's population of social deviants, we concluded that there were no jugglers to be found.

Just as we were about to give up, I remembered that he'd mentioned that he'd be wearing a blue shirt and grey shorts. My roommate's nails suddenly dug into my arm. "Oh my god, there he is. That's him." And there was this, like, amazingly cute dude wearing a blue shirt and grey pants and holding a bunch of juggling balls.

Holding them. As in, not juggling.

I didn't know what to do. He wasn't juggling and his hat wasn't on the ground. I can't very well throw a dollar at a perfect stranger who is just sitting on a park bench. So we sat on a bench a few feet away and waited, amusing ourselves by whispering furtively and taking surreptitious photos.


I called Sasha, who lives down the block, to get her opinion on the matter, when my roommate suddenly grabbed my arm again. "I think he's going to start juggling!" Sure enough, he'd gathered up his juggling balls and he was... wait, he was putting them in his backpack!

"Alex, he's leaving!"

"Well, what am I supposed to do?!"

"Go talk to him!"

"What?!"

"GO TALK TO HIM. RIGHT NOW."

And before I knew what I was doing, I was doing just that.

"Excuse me," I said to his back. "Um, were you just, uh, juggling? A little while ago?"

He turned to look at me and I saw this really funny, unidentifiable expression sweep across his face. "Ye-e-e-s..." Suddenly he started to smile.

"Yeah, um, I saw your, uh, Craigslist post and I came by to give you a note but we got here a little late..."

"How about if I give you an encore performance right now?"

And he did. He dropped his hat on the sidewalk and he gave an on-demand juggling performance for me in the middle of Tompkins Square Park. And I gave him a dollar.


He was a pretty good juggler although he said that he'd only taught himself that morning. He said no one else had come by all afternoon and thanked me for the dollar and I told him that we were in a hurry (which we were) and had to go but thanks for the show. And we left.

But not before wrapping this note inside the dollar bill:


So I'm going at 5:30. He probably won't be there because, hello, he probably has a life. But I'm going anyway and if he doesn't show up, Sasha and I are going out for chocolate martinis because, let's face it, that juggler wasn't the only one today with a lot of balls.

Trader Joe's Guy Speaks Again

Alex,

I'm pretty free this weekend, so let me know what your schedule is. I know a handful of good coffee and drink spots around.

Through the magic of Facebook, I realized that I definitely know your friends. Not sure I would have been able to match names and faces unassisted, but our paths crossed many times over the course of college.

Anyway, e-mail or call or whatever. Hope to meet you under circumstances other than over a cash register.

Trader Joe's Guy

***

Oh my god, how is it that I am working on a blog about dating in the digital age and I forgot to check Facebook? He so beat me to the punch on that one. Anyway, I soon remedied that situation and discovered that:

(a) he's not gay
(b) we have similar taste in music and movies

There's nothing on his page that says "love of my life" but there's also nothing on there that screams "run for the hills".

Now for Facebook etiquette. Do I add him as a friend? We've barely even met and if we don't end up clicking, he will always be there on my Facebook friends page, staring up at me from my computer screen and informing me of his every passing thought via status updates.

On the other hand, adding him as a friend has the singular benefit of allowing him to see my profile so that if he reads something that turns him off, he can politely become "totally swamped this weekend" and we can each back out gracefully.

Technology is kind of amazing.

***

Dear Trader Joe's Guy,

I can't believe I didn't think to Facebook stalk you! I'll admit that I did a cursory google search just to make sure I didn't turn up porn or felonies but I generally don't have the stamina to look beyond the first page. In other words, if your triple manslaughter was on the third page of search hits, you're in the clear.

I'm free tomorrow afternoon and Sunday evening. After four years in the neighborhood, you probably have a much better repertoire of coffee shops than I do so you pick the place. (I don't think that was actually an appropriate use of the word repertoire but ok.)

Alex

***

The best part is that I'm actually not thinking of this as a date at all. Making new friends is definitely a good thing.

Smoke Signal from the Heatherette Tent

Ok, I responded to the guy who responded to my Fashion Wk post. He's definitely not the right guy. But - for the sake of the experiment that is this blog, I'm tempted to go out with him. Plus, there's a good chance that the guy I wrote about was gay.

Anywhooo, my friend Charlie* suggested a "5 minute date." Basically, it's what it sounds like. You're only allowed to go out for 5 minutes, whether you like each other or not. Then, if it's good you can go out again, and, if it's bad, you haven't wasted too much time. Plus, it's makes for a quick, easy get-away if one or both parties turn out to be dangerous predators.

Read the response below and weigh in.


hey B,

great to hear from you! I guess it wasn't me then, for I was there after 10pm :(. I'm a magician/comedian/foodie in nyc. I party and entertain all over, go to many fashion/entertainment soires, etc.. how about you? what were you doing there? anywhoo, hope you find the chap you are looking for..lets grab drinks if you want! hope all is well..have a beautiful weekend!

cheers!
Hal*

*Names changed to protect the innocent.

Waiter at Noho Star, Thursday Night - w4m - 25 (East Village)

When: Thursday night, 9:00-11:00
Who: three girls, giggling and talking about sex inappropriately loudly

I was the one in the orange print sundress and denim jacket with dark hair and blue eyes. You were the one taking our wine orders, teaching me how to pronounce 'Muscadet', and inspecting my friend's potential insurance claim of a cracked water glass. We all agreed you were cute and maybe too young for me. Are you?

OK, now I'm obsessively posting.

This is kind of brilliant.

(un)missed connection from the future - m4w - 23

tomorrow, september 14th, at 1:15ish i will be in thompkins square park and i will be failing at juggling. despite my failing, i will have a hat in front of me in which strangers can donate spare change in appreciation of my efforts.

you will see me. you will write a note and walk by and place it anonymously in my hat. upon completion of my juggling i will collect the contents of my hat and find your note, read it, and wonder about you.

the contents of the note are up to you- a place and time to meet, a drawing of yourself, an address where i can write you letters, simple words of encouragement...

so 1:15ish, thompkins square park, i will be wearing a blue v-neck shirt and grey shorts, and i will be juggling...

until then

Should I try to find this guy tomorrow?

YOU GAVE ME A TESTICULAR ULTRA SOUND TODAY AT SCHOOL - m4w - 30

Our medical future is in your hands.

Oh, God.

YOU WERE THE FIRST ONE TO GIVE ME THE ULTRA SOUND THEN YOUR FRIEND DID. I'M NOT SURE BUT IT SEEMED LIKE YOU WERE KINDA FLIRTING ESPECIALY WHEN YOU SAID IT'S A GOOD THING THAT I HAVE BIG BALLS LOL. I AM NOT SURE IF THE GOWN CAME DOWN SO YOU CAN SEE ALL MY GOODIES BUT IT SEEMED AS THOUGH YOU WERE TRYING TO LIKE MOVE THE GOWN TO GET A BETTER LOOK... ANY HOW WE BOTH GO TO S.B.I. YOUR TRAINING FOR ULTRA SOUND TECH I'M GOING FOR MA. IF YOU SEE THIS DON'T BE SHY GIVE ME A HOLLA WE EXCHANGED #'S BUT I JUST DON'T WANNA JUMP OUT THE WINDOW AND CALL YOU NOT KNOWING IF YOU HAVE A BF OR IF I'M JUST COMING OFF THE WALL WITH WHAT I SAID AND JUST AM HORNY IMAGINING THINGS LOL ANY HOW IF YOU DID GET A GLIMPSE OF ALL THE GOODS I THINK YOU KNOW THAT I CAN DO MORE THAN HANDLE YOU :)~ IF YOU DO SEE THIS AND SHOUT ME OUT GIVE ME A SOLID SIGN ON TUESDAY WHEN I GO BACK TO VOLUNTEER... I'M THE RETIRED THUG LOL

Dear Trader Joe's Guy,

Dear Trader Joe's Guy,

Oh man! This is like a wacky situational comedy! First of all, I feel like this is probably the first time in history that someone has actually seen one of these posts about them. However, the second time in history was also yesterday when my friend Russell stumbled across a Craigslist Missed Connection post about him. What a weird coincidence. I didn't even know people really read these things.

In further crazy news, it turns out that two of my really good friends kind of know you. Bennett Holt and Sasha Frenzy recognized your name when I forwarded this email to them-- they apparently had a class with you or something?

Anyway! I'd love to hang out sometime! I just moved here a few weeks ago for school and I have a few close friends here that I know from past lives but I'm psyched about making new ones, especially ones who aren't law students. I mean, most of my fellow law students are actually really cool but whenever we get together we end up talking about personal jurisdiction or intentional torts or something gross like that (by the way, those are the only law terms I actually know so far).

Alex

I am so creeped out right now

the only reply I have gotten so far was this one liner:

i saw you look at him

Gross. GROSS!

lookin' fashionable at fashion wk

where: lotus at fashion wk
when: earlier tonight, before/during(?) the zac posen show

me: blue eyed girl in turquoise dress
you: dark eyed guy in jeans and jacket

my friend and i were gossiping - too loudly i guess...as you overheard and thought i was talking about your friend. i wasn't following our chat too well (blame the free drinks...) remember the name of the friend i was gossiping about?

the right answer gets you a very fashionable prize.

Craigslist Convert

Our first successful contact! Trader Joe's guy just emailed me!

Hey,

A friend of mine at work pointed me in the direction of this Missed Connection, and through a process of deductive reasoning, I'm pretty sure it was meant for me. I do have dark hair and have a BFA from [name of art school removed].

I'd love to get coffee some time. Shoot me an e-mail back, give me a call (***-***-****), or swing by the store.

I look forward to it.

Of course I instantly emailed my Misconnecting in the City co-bloggers a message fraught with exclamation points and capital letters. I can't believe it was this easy! Craigslist is amazing!

And then I found out a few things.

1. He's an actor. OH MY GOD HE'S AN ACTOR.
2. Bennett and Sasha both know him. Wait, are you kidding me? HOW IS IT THAT BENNETT AND SASHA BOTH KNOW HIM?
   
3. We think he might be gay.*

But that's cool because I totally forgot that I HATE GOING ON DATES and also I'm new to the city and need to make more friends who aren't law students.

So, in conclusion: Craigslist is awesome, new friends are good, and my life is a web of ridiculous coincidences.

* the jury's still out on this one

Broken Bench on Bleecker - w4m - 25 (Greenwich Village)

Me: brown hair, blue shirt, sitting on a bench in front of Two Boots Pizza and Cafe Angelique on Bleecker, waiting for a friend
You: dark hair, hand-rolled cigarettes

You sat down next to me and the bench almost collapsed and we both laughed. You seemed cute and I thought about saying hi but then my friend showed up and the moment had passed.

I should have invited you to join us for pizza. Next time?

around 3 this afternoon - wfm - 24

Although this is the first missed connection I've posted, participating in this blog has already made me a lot more aware of the people I pass by or make eye contact with. This must make me look friendly and approachable since I am now constantly stopped for directions.

I was thirsty and wanted to stop at Starbucks anyway, but by the time I saw you go in, I had resisted temptation and crossed the street. You were tall with very short hair and a gray t-shirt, I was the girl in the orange dress. I should have turned around and gone back. You looked cute, and I do love an iced americano.

Jackassery in the City

When Alex suggested we start this blog, I liked the idea, but was concerned that because we were making a concerted effort to have missed connections, the missed connections that we had would be somehow forced, you know, "the act of measuring changes that which is being measured," etc.

However, while I have been paying more attention to my surroundings, I don't know that people's behavior has changed. This one isn't the type we were looking to experiment with, but I think it still fits into our experimental purview, since I had a nice little é tête-à-tête with someone who astutely pointed out the main lure of the missed connections section.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

real slick, slickster - wfm (14 st 1/2/3/L underpass)

you took a metro from the man who says "metro, metro, metro" every morning and is generally a nice dude and you THREW it on the ground, forcing him to pick it up. he called after you that if he was his old self, he would beat you up, but that he was a changed man. this was enough to prove to me that you were an asshole.

BUT THEN.

you picked up a metro from the pile behind the pillar. if you wanted a metro, why did you throw it on the ground? did your mom not love you? do you have a small penis? WHAT IS IT????

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

JJ emailed:
I'm so glad you weren't writing that guy to tell him you like him. When I first started reading your post, I thought that's where it was going because that's where these usually go. Glad you told him off instead. Sounds like a jerk. See ya' ; )

Frankie emailed:
oof, no way. this guy was a 1st rate jackass. i was SO CLOSE to going over to him and saying something, since i probably could have taken him, but he sprinted away like a small evil elf. thanks for the vote of confidence!

JJ emailed:
You're welcome. I love it.....you were so close to kicking his ass; too bad you didn't. Yeah....I was getting ready for you to write something like, ".....but you were so cute and I just loved that hipster shirt and can help you be a better person if you let me...." So I'm glad you took the high road and told the asshole off. Isn't it amazing the random shit you see here? I see both extremes all the time....a completely polite and courteous person, and then an absolute sub-human, rudely inconsiderate ass like the guy you mentioned in your post.....and we are all thrown together and co-existing on top of one another. It is a bit daunting. Anyway, that's my rant for the day ; )

Frankie emailed:
ha - that's why i'm completely obsessed with the missed connections section. it's like a little slice of humanity on display, but you don't see a whole lot of middle ground, just the "holy shit, you're a god(dess) with a golden tongue!" or "holy shit, you are a festering maggot that doesn't deserve to breathe!" varieties. it's the highest highs and the lowest lows, but in the safety of the internet. if that makes me a coward, so be it. now that i know that someone would have my back, maybe i will say something in real life...

JJ emailed:
Well, I don't know if anyone else would have your back, so you may want to re-think that. Actually, a few people have had my back on more than one occasion of dealing with assholes, believe it or not. I was dealing with this one ASSHOLE on the bus a few weeks ago, and a bunch of people....all different types....actually stepped up on my behalf. It was pretty cool. You're not from here, are you?

Corner of Sexy Street and Mysterious Avenue

When: today about 6:15pm
Where: corner of 9th & 2nd Ave. (technically)
What: a double take and eye-lock between a mere pedestrian and a car owner (or at least- a car driver)
Who: a cute twenty-something with unkempt hair making a right-hand turn on 9th (you); a glowing post-workout blonde in bright white nikes and a camel satchel (on the celly) (me)

I don’t know if it was my little brother singing sweetly in my ear, or the fact that I find anyone in new york city with a car just a hint sexier than those without, but I could feel the heat between us. And I don’t think it was coming from the sewer! Damn, if only I could tell this boy that I know how to drive a stick.

Pick me up tomorrow at 8?

Cashier at Trader Joe's - w4m - 25

when: today, about 4pm
where: trader joe's
what: cheap red wine, some chatting about school (and my exciting evening plans of studying)
who: dark hair, former art school student (you); dark hair, current law school student (me)

I'm not sure if your friendliness was "I'm a friendly cashier" friendliness or "You seem cool" friendliness but I figured I'd post this in case it was the latter. I'm new in town and should be more proactive about making friends and an artsy type with a potential wine discount seems like a good place to start. Coffee maybe?

Misconnecting in the City

It all started with a box of cherry tomatoes.

I bought a box of cherry tomatoes from a cute guy at the farmers' market. He flirted. I ran. Substitute the cherry tomatoes for 'video rental', 'eye exam', or 'traffic citation' and you have the story of my life. I'm a runner. A lot of us are runners.

But for some reason this one stuck with me. The whole walk home and then later, over kimchi with my girlfriends, I was still talking about this guy. It suddenly struck me as so absurd-- this guy was cute, he was funny, he obviously digs vegetables and so do I, and he flirted with me. Why did I run? So although I was only a week and a half into my residence of this fine city, I decided to do what any savvy New Yorker would do:

I wrote a Craigslist Missed Connections post.


You Sold Me Cherry Tomatoes at the Union Sq Market - w4m - 25

you: light hair, glasses, selling cherry tomatoes
me: dark pig-tails, blue eyes, buying cherry tomatoes

You complimented my shirt in a mildly flirtatious manner. I ran. Maybe we can hang at the farmers' market sometime?


I felt invigorated! I felt empowered! I was taking my dating life into my own hands (sort of)!

He never did write me back but the experience got me thinking. The concept behind Missed Connections is so interesting-- there are millions of people in this city, creating the potential for tens of millions of connections every single day and yet most of us will spend Saturday night alone. We all put up a wall and the Missed Connections forum is a tentative peer through the gate.

And then I thought what a shame it is. We meet someone cute, we feel a connection, and we run away to post an ad that, odds are good, that person will never even see. And then I had a thought: If the odds are low that the object of our affection will ever see our single Craigslist Missed Connections post... then doesn't it follow that the more ads we post, the greater our chances become?

What if a group of smart, sexy women took on dating in the big city by posting Missed Connections posts every time we met someone we might like to see again? How many posts would it take before we got a response? Would we find true love or just an inbox full of porn advertisements? And what might we learn about ourselves in the process?

And, at that moment, this blog was born.