Friday, October 12, 2007

Holey Underwear and Other Reasons I'm Still Single

A few weeks ago, Bennett had a sort of missed connection.

We were at a bar and the guy asked her if she had a cigarette (she didn't) and some light banter ensued. We walked away, championing Bennett's classic MC. The guy was reasonably cute, there was flirtation, they had a moment.

Anyway, this was a few weeks ago and I'd forgotten about the exchange but it came up in conversation tonight over drinks. Bennett admitted that she never wrote the missed connection.

"I think I analyze these too much," she said. "I think, 'Do I even want to date this guy?' I talk myself out of it."

I realized tonight, curled up in bed with a book, half a brownie, and my frumpiest pajamas, that I talk myself out of it, too. I've dated a fair amount and I've had two medium-to-long term relationships but I've been single now for well over a year and I'm really, really used to it. I like the fact that I don't have to shave my legs or share my bed or miss out on girls' night. I like that I can wear frumpy pajamas to bed and underwear with holes in them. I'm used to having my own space.

I'll admit that there have been times during this project (especially lately, in case you haven't noticed my extreme lack of missed connection posting) when I've met someone, had a moment, and then thought (with my holey underwear and Sex and the City marathons in mind): "Do I even want to date this guy?"

Of course, you can wear holey underwear in a solid, comfy relationship and some guys actually like Sex and the City but the general premise remains: when you're in a relationship, there is someone else there.

Anyway, a lot of you are in relationships and, despite all of this, if you're in a good relationship you know the truth. The truth is that at the end of the day when you tally up all the stained sweatshirts and the pints of Ben & Jerry's and the personal space and all the mutual support and the future-planning and the late night cuddling: You win.

But maybe I'm still not ready.


sasha said...

i don't know if talking yourself out is such a bad idea. i mean if your gut isn't saying, 'he's all that and then some' is it worth trying to make it something? maybe a healthy amount of doubt is good. i mean we all have fantasy dialogues in our heads, but they're just fun, right? pretend? i long for that comfy, relaxed part of the relationship where i can wear the holey underwear and not shave for a month. this would be ok i think, but i long for it too soon- it's work to get there. and let's face it, once you go there, there's no going back right? so what's the rush? this can create unhealthy or at least unmet expectations. i think i try too hard sometimes to make the relationship what i think it should be. i am probably talking myself into things, when i should be talking myself out.

sasha said...

ps- why is this starting to sound more and more like a sound byte from satc?

Alex said...

probably because we have watched far too much!