Best of Missed Connections

Oh I love the summer- kids skipping in every playground, cuties out with their petite pups and even more Craigslist goodness. I guess as the clothes come off, people feel less inhibited in their virtual worlds as well...check it.

Sexiest trashman ever! - w4m

I know you probably get this a lot, but you are the hottest garbage man I have ever seen. Every Tuesday, I wait at my window desperately at 8:00 AM waiting for you. I love your strong muscles; not matter how heavy my waste is, you have no problem lifting it. Sometimes I hide bricks in there just so I can see your sweaty big muscles in real action. You may know my house specifically because I always leave my old lingerie lying on top of all my other trash. I put it out there for you, you know. I want you to have them. Don't worry, I spray a little perfume on them before I toss them so they don't smell anymore. Anyway, if you like what you see in my trash, come inside sometime, there will be plenty more of where that came from. ;)
Love,
Your Secret Admirer
P.S. I'm single with no kids. All the diapers are from my grandmother who lives with me.

A Brief Lesson in Rapacity

Avid readers of this blog will recall a recent post regarding an email I received from the creepy "cutie with a beanie" guy, who apparently needed a lecture on letting go. If you're not one of the dedicated few, please direct your attention here before going any further. So yeah, this guy (who goes by the pseudonym "JJ" by the way) was weird. But in the back of my mind- because I'm an idealist (or slightly delusional) - I still thought perhaps he wasn't actually a creep. Maybe he was just a passionate person who thought we shared a strong connection and got upset when I stopped responding. And just because I was not feeling it, that doesn't make him a total weirdo right?

I still chose not to respond. But I left the window of hope slightly ajar, just in case the breeze of second chances and renewed prospects was to come a blowin'.

Then I found this.

So this guy is officially a serial missed connection responder. He does not even live here, yet he looks through the NYC MC's like it's his part-time job.

Fuck second chances. If you think he's creepy- go with that.

Mama said, "There'd be days like this."

Question: When is it acceptable to berate a long-distance sort of semi-penpal whom you met through a random missed connection that was obviously not even intended for you and haven't talked to in over 2 1/2 months?

................................................................???

Answer: Never.

Never people.


Perhaps you all (don't) remember the strange boy who contacted me after I posted an MC for a very cute guy at The Shins concert? The guy who does not live in NYC but must randomly look through the MC's for fun and just CANNOT for whatever reason get over the kitchy-cute humor of the phrase "cutie with a beanie"..... Yeah that guy.

Well we had a civil back and forth correspondence for a few weeks but it fizzled out. I'm sorry, to say it "fizzled out" is incorrect because this implies there was something there to begin with. I just didn't respond back to ONE email and he never wrote back. I thought he wasn't feeling it either, so we were cool. However when glancing at my email the other day, I saw a new message from him. It was short and to the point:

To: Me
From: Weirdo Guy who I have not talked to in almost 3 MONTHS

"I'm really surprised. I'm usually a very good judge of character.
You didn't strike me as someone who would just blow off our correspondence."
-------------------------------
Seriously? This is obviously not worth the time to respond to, because what would be the point? - except to clear my conscious ("No I've just been really busy. I'm a good person, I swear! Let's have some more meaningless banter about NOTHING!"). Besides he clearly needs to learn that ever so important life-lesson:

Appearing bitter and kind of angry with someone you haven't even met and only shared a few short (and awkward) emails with = not a turn on

Learn it. Live it. People.

We've Officially Crossed Some Sort of Line

Text message I just received from Little Napoleon:

Boo.

...


Two lessons can be gleaned from this, folks:

1. Do not ever give out your phone number to anyone.
2. Do not, under any circumstances, allow yourself to be That Guy.
3. Review lessons 1 and 2 as needed.
   

I don't find these posts...These posts find me!

We met for a drink and you caught me making out with a man - m4w - 25 (Upper East Side)

I'm sorry. You were taking so long in the bathroom and this guy was looking at me. Next thing I knew we were making out and you came back and stormed out of the bar. I just want you to know that I really liked you and I'm not gay, I just have gay experiences sometimes. You are a beautiful girl and I'm glad that you came on date with me. I would like very much to try again. This time I will give all my love to you.

There are so many things to question in this post. Namely the transition between the sentences "You were taking so long in the bathroom and this guy was looking at me." and "Next thing I know we were making out...." What?! And of course my favorite sentence of all time in a missed connection "...I'm not gay, I just have gay experiences sometimes." Ah yes, what woman in New York hasn't heard this sentiment? But believe me- do not fall for this! It is mere trickery!

Little Napoleon Strikes Again

Little Napoleon texted me again yesterday, asking if I wanted to meet up after work.

Ok, let's review.

I posted a missed connection ad for someone who was clearly not him. He responded. We made plans to hang out, those plans were foiled. That was five weeks ago. Since that time, he has emailed me twice, left me one voicemail, and sent me two text messages.

I know that the guys out there might be thinking, "Have a heart, let the guy know what's up!" I did let the guy know what's up. It's called not returning any form of communication for five weeks. That is what's up. In my experience, if you try to be a grown-up and say "Hey, I'm just not that into you" what the dude actually hears is "Please continue calling me and coming by my house to put mix cds in my mailbox for the next eight months."

Anyway, so my mind was blown.

And THEN, just when I thought my mind could not be blown ANY FURTHER, I get a text from him again today asking if I want to see a movie with him tonight.

I cannot comprehend what would drive someone to this bizarre level of masochism.

If At First You Don't Succeed...

Remember Curly (alias: Little Napoleon)?

He wrote me back the day after our failed meeting and said that he couldn't find me in the crowd and asked if I wanted to try again the next night. I wrote him back saying that I was real busy but maybe some other time. I was nice but intentionally vague in a way that was intended to convey that I was making an excuse to help him save face. He emailed the next week to see if things had slowed down and I didn't respond. He never wrote me again.

I was talking with some friends recently about the phenomenon of The Guy Who Never Lets Go. We all know this guy. You go on one date and then never return another phone call... six months later, you're still hearing from him once a week. It's sad, it's pathetic, it's completely bizarre-o. Unfortunately, The Guy Who Never Lets Go has a close relative known to some as The Girl Who Never Lets Go and, let's face of it, some of us are intimately acquainted with her.

But that's for another post.

Anyway, the point is that no matter how awkward, unattractive, or otherwise unsuitable a guy may be, if I blow him off and he takes the hint, he rises immeasurably in my esteem. Of course, it's a Catch-22 because of the guy tries to cash in on this newfound respect by calling me, he turns irreversibly into The Guy That My Girlfriends Mock over Brunch.

Anyway, Curly-- despite his unattractive eagerness and diminutive stature-- had earned a place in my Guys Who Actually Get It Hall of Fame.

That is, until today.


from Curly [little_napoleon@gmail.com]
to Alex [misconnecting.in.the.city@gmail.com]
date Oct 10, 2007 10:33 AM
subject hey

Hey Alex,

we were supposed to get together the other week. Been a busy time of
year. But id still like to chill. What are you doing this week? Im
working all week. Want to get together one night after work, for real
this time? Theres a snowboard movie i kind of wanted to check out, it
ends on the 11th. Talk to you soon.

- C


Why, Curly, WHY?

I hate ignoring people but responding is obviously going to only extend this further and considering the fact that I have exchanged a total of, like, three very impersonal emails with this guy, I don't think that a full disclosure is really in order.

p.s. SNOWBOARDING movie?