Thursday, July 10, 2008

Jared Has Still Not Been Murdered, But I'm Starting to Worry

First, this happened.

Then, there was this.

Since I am now physically in the same city as Alex and could ostensibly do the stakeout we considered in earlier incarnations of this saga, I thought I'd take a look-see in the old Gay Stalker email account and check on our friend Ernest.

He has emailed again, unprovoked.


You should come over for a beer sometime! I don't get to see you anymore in the mornings as my schedule changed at work. Hope you are well you sexy guy. Let me know if you want me to make you feel good! I aim to please.

Your not so secret admirer,

Y'all. I do not want to exacerbate this problem. But I also feel slightly responsible for the emotional well-being of this obviously lonely soul who now thinks that Jared a) knows exactly who he is and b) is consciously ignoring his pleas for attention.

What do I do?

Also, on an unrelated note, I'd just like to point out that Ernest's first email included such phrases as "suck your cock," while this email simply invites Jared over for a beer. Mysterious.


UPDATE 7/11/08:

Alex and I went on a recon mission to the 7-11, just to see what was going on there. The results:
- they have $0.59 sodas (any size) all summer long
- someone named "Chris" who is definitely not latino and is also approx. 14 years old works there
- we are not good at deducing the difference between "I am leaving at 10 [PM because that is the end of my shift]" and "I am leaving at 10 [AM because that is when I am going on a road trip]." The aforementioned employee apparently meant the latter, but we thought he meant the former, because when we went back to the 7-11, with an additional team member in tow, after 10pm, under the impression that Jared would have shown up, Chris was still there. Still no sign of Jared.

We did, however, drive past Ernest's house.


sasha said...

you are a little creepy for driving past his house BUT it's all in the name of research!

overall i'd say: mission accomplished!

and by that i mean you didn't get arrested or killed- so well done!

Alex said...

this was literally in the top 10 most failed stake-outs of my long and illustrious career.

(a) we got ernest's street and frankie realized she'd forgotten his address

(b) we got to the 7-11 and were so intimidated by the 14-year-old that we failed to ask about jared

(c) frankie's 59 cent soda was gross