Thursday, August 28, 2008

Virgin Sacrifices and Other Unlikely Events



ALEX. oh speaking of which i had a weird thing last night
ALEX. this is a little bit of a non-story, i'm going to warn you
FRANKIE. ok
ALEX. we were closing the store
ALEX. and this dude was standing by the register
ALEX. (which i was closing)
ALEX. while his friend used the bathroom
ALEX. and i'm, like, counting money
FRANKIE. ok
ALEX. and he asks me:
ALEX. "have you ever considered joining a sorority?"
ALEX. and i'm like "um"
ALEX. "what?"
ALEX. and then he repeats himself or whatever
ALEX. and i'm like "i'm not in college"
ALEX. "also: go away, because i feel like you are trying to get me to join your freaky cult"
ALEX. (but not that last part)
ALEX. and he's like "well it doesn't have to be that kind of sorority..."
ALEX. and then he says a bunch of other stuff
ALEX. that makes it sound like he's leading up to asking me to sacrifice cornish hens
ALEX. and i'm, like, freaked
FRANKIE. WHAT
ALEX. i can't really remember what else was said
ALEX. but my lasting impression was that he was actually just HITTING ON ME
ALEX. and trying to strike up a convo
ALEX. in literally the weirdest way ever
ALEX. while i am trying to count money to close the register
ALEX. and i feel like i was kind of rude to him
ALEX. but he was cute
ALEX. and now i'm like "what?"
FRANKIE. ok that is super weird
ALEX. what he said was that his friends and he were having a conversation
ALEX. about how groups like sororities downplay individuality
ALEX. but that they can have a really positive impact on people
ALEX. so they were trying to think how a group like that could work for "non-joiners"
ALEX. who want to retain their individuality
ALEX. while also being part of a community
...
FRANKIE. huh
...
ALEX. why am i telling you all of this
ALEX. i told you it was a non-story
ALEX. it might have still been a cult
FRANKIE. no, i think it's a story
FRANKIE. but yes, most likely a cult
ALEX. anyway i was thinking of posting a missed connection for him

===

"have you ever considered joining a sorority?" - w4m - 26 (downtown coffeeshop)
Reply to: *************@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-08-28, 12:59PM CDT


... is the question you asked me while I was trying to close the register last night. I was pretty convinced that you were trying to recruit me for your virgin-sacrificing cult, but after you left, it occurred to me that maybe you were flirting with me?

Sorry if I was a little stand-offish. I was trying to count 20's. And, you know, avoid the occult.

===

ALEX. should i be googling "the occult" at work?
ALEX. i'm writing an MC
ALEX. (sends link)
ALEX. is that offensive?
FRANKIE. i don't think that's offensive
ALEX. am i going to get nasty emails from a coven of 19-year-old wiccans?
ALEX. can i say coven?
ALEX. now i'm googling coven
ALEX. i'm going to get fired

===

ALEX. i'm posting on the blog now
ALEX. highlights from this convo are included
ALEX. though you seriously have like three lines
ALEX. due to my excessive talking
FRANKIE. there are no small parts, only small actors

photo credit bitzcelt

2 comments:

naomi said...

I love you guys.

And seriously, this guy was just probably nervous. He sounds cute, and was trying to engage your brain, but should have just started with "Hi," maybe? But regardless, he could tell you are a smart chica, and was going with that, I think.

I hope he responds. I sort of also hope the Wiccans respond, but I wish you no ill will. Just so you know.

sasha said...

guys are weird...i mean i DO think he was hitting on you but like had NO concept of potentiallly how creepy one can sound when trying to do this. note to guys: do not even FLIRT with the ideas of cults when you're trying to flirt with us - it's a turn off.

also not the same but somewhat related- last night I was haning out on a a stoop with our dear friend "robin" when a dude approached us. now let me start out by saying he did not seem drunk or high in any way but he did try hitting on us by saying, "attractive white girl police! it looks like there is some suspicious activity happening in this area (indicating our stoop)." then he pulls out his cell phone and does some pretend text messaging (asking for backup?). then he says "ok girls, don't let too many minorities hit on you." and then before we can even respond or process this, he walks away. wtf?! also note to guys: try to avoid using the term "minorities"..and pretending to be law enforcement...and well really anything else mentioned in said comment.*

*longest comment EVER! and i did it all from my i phone!