Thursday, May 1, 2008

don't say "tight"

So last night on the train, this dude complimented my tights (which were, in fact, pretty dope) and we got to talking drunkenly. He was adorable and had good shoes and glasses, and I don't know why I didn't at least fling my card at him as I left the train. I'm going to blame the sangria/no dinner combo. So of course I posted an MC upon arriving home:

you complimented my tights and said you were a drunken fool. i humored you because i thought you had good shoes (and cute glasses). i exited at graham. you kissed my hand before i left. you live at dekalb (in the heart of bushwick, apparently, where there are only baby jesus bodegas). if you read this, let's make out.

I thought to myself "maybe this time, I'll be lucky...maybe this time he'll reeeeeaaaaad (my missed connection that I posted)." So when I got to work this morning, I checked my super-secret pseudonym account and lo and behold, a message awaited me. However, due to the ridiculously strict internet policies of my current position, I can see iGoogle, and I can see the addresses and subject headings of my emails but I can't ACTUALLY SEE THE EMAILS THEMSELVES. I called Alex and considered asking her to check my account and read me the email in the hopes that my subway Romeo had seen my missive and responded in the affirmative. But then I thought: okay. There are two possibilities here, and these are the only two:
1. It's him.
2. It's a picture of a penis.
Because really, who responds to a post THAT specific at 4 in the morning if it's not for them? Only someone trollin' for the bootaaaayyy.

So when I met my iPhone-toting friend later in the evening, I checked it out.

Not one.
Not two.
But THREE PEEN PICS. THREE. In one of which, the dude appears to be talking on the phone (you can see its cord [yes I said "cord"] in the background). They're SO BIZARRE. It had to happen sometime, right?


Alex said...

Possible contender for best post of all time. Definitely top 5.

Also, I cannot BELIEVE there were three. I have literally received zero, ever. Why do the peen senders not like me?

Note to Peen Senders: That was not an invitation.

sasha said...

noooooo! i was so excited about the possibility of him responding. i know logically it's a long shot but i thought MAYBE he would have the same feelings as you and look through the mc's with a glimmer of hope. but no- just penises.

ps- don't say "long shot" or "penis"

sasha said...

pps- what are the guys sending penis pictures trying to accomplish? i mean do they literally think you are going to respond based on a picture of their penis? i mean i might...but only if it was really exceptional.

(clue: "exceptional" = "big" in this context)

also i think i need to quote michael scott from the office here:
"My point is…my point is, a penis - when seen in the right context - is the most wonderful sight for a woman. But in the wrong context it is like a monster movie."

that pretty much sums it up.