Saturday, December 1, 2007

Not Really a Missed Connection

...but amusing nonetheless. There is so much to say about this, I don't even know where to begin.

Original Craigslist Post (Chicago):

Can you be ON CALL . notice as a ROLL PLAYER at building residence ? I'd like a few 'Well intentioned' and full-figured, energetic girls or guys who WILL occupy their minds and do TASKS in a maintenace/storage room. I NEED to CREATE a diversion for a problem going on and at the same time you'd be helping with cleaning. In need for folks to Create a Distraction in the confines of VISIBILITY to steer attention This is not a HARD task ! I want some folks who can be DISCRETE, WATCHFUL and Role play for this temporary situation.

Tell me about yourself?

Be in shape please and ready to listen up and FOLLOW directions for short term task!

Let me know. Better info to be excahnged by phone once some positive 'fits' are made.

Frankie’s Email #1:


I am wondering if you can give me some more information about the role play gig. I am very well-versed in improv and am a hard worker. Let me know some more information!

Response #1:

HI Frankie. This is Genuine. Thanks for writing. It's to help devise a potential diversion for possible candalizer trouble maker in building. This is not too much brain surgery.

I need two things: A. somebody who can haul boxes or organize a stgorage room. B. somebody who can watch for people, people(s) who own a certain car. drive out.

Pretty simplistic but tight times, and only TWO or THREE hour convenient shifts.

You interested? Would you like me to call you , or vice versa?

Frankie’s Email #2 (Sent from a different address):


I read your ad and I think I would be perfect for your gig.

- 2 years of diversion creating experience
- Talented roll player; studied with Second City Improv
- Great cleaning skills; worked for Merry Maids for 6 months
- Knows how to follow directions
- Extremely discreet; worked as assistant to private investigator

I would love to hear more about the position!

Response #2:

Yeah I work part-time for MSI agency.I. Thanks for writing. Something genuine of a reply now I think. You probably have a Perc Card than. I need some maintenance, moving boxes in a storage room, organization and for somebody to keep a lookout..

Just as the Fine print tried to depict. Not too muh though in it. The more fit and organized you are the better. Of course, being a female detective's assistsnt puts you in a better position. Tell me more. Where are you located in Chicagoland ? Are you working for a detective now ? Jon


Alex said...

This made me laugh SO HARD. What on earth is a candalizer trouble maker? Is that anything like a carpenter young man? It's times like these when I can't understand why I haven't found a job yet. Maybe I don't have enough diversion-creating experience.

Dear Drew, please, please, PLEASE take advantage of this fine Chicago-based employment opportunity. I MUST KNOW MORE.

Alex said...

p.s. Basis for next year's NaNoWriMo? Anyone?

Drew said...

um why do I feel that if I go along with this I will end up arrested?

Nicky said...

With all the hilarity in these postings and the subsequent responses, strangely though, the thing that is making me laugh the most is the idea of you in a merry maid outfit. not sure why...

sasha said...

this is seriously bizarre. i love that you responded so confidently. we might need to fly you out to chicago do take this "job." i am just so curious. plus let's be honest, you would be the best.

business expense ya'll!