Virgin Sacrifices and Other Unlikely Events

ALEX. oh speaking of which i had a weird thing last night
ALEX. this is a little bit of a non-story, i'm going to warn you
FRANKIE. ok
ALEX. we were closing the store
ALEX. and this dude was standing by the register
ALEX. (which i was closing)
ALEX. while his friend used the bathroom
ALEX. and i'm, like, counting money
FRANKIE. ok
ALEX. and he asks me:
ALEX. "have you ever considered joining a sorority?"
ALEX. and i'm like "um"
ALEX. "what?"
ALEX. and then he repeats himself or whatever
ALEX. and i'm like "i'm not in college"
ALEX. "also: go away, because i feel like you are trying to get me to join your freaky cult"
ALEX. (but not that last part)
ALEX. and he's like "well it doesn't have to be that kind of sorority..."
ALEX. and then he says a bunch of other stuff
ALEX. that makes it sound like he's leading up to asking me to sacrifice cornish hens
ALEX. and i'm, like, freaked
FRANKIE. WHAT
ALEX. i can't really remember what else was said
ALEX. but my lasting impression was that he was actually just HITTING ON ME
ALEX. and trying to strike up a convo
ALEX. in literally the weirdest way ever
ALEX. while i am trying to count money to close the register
ALEX. and i feel like i was kind of rude to him
ALEX. but he was cute
ALEX. and now i'm like "what?"
FRANKIE. ok that is super weird
ALEX. what he said was that his friends and he were having a conversation
ALEX. about how groups like sororities downplay individuality
ALEX. but that they can have a really positive impact on people
ALEX. so they were trying to think how a group like that could work for "non-joiners"
ALEX. who want to retain their individuality
ALEX. while also being part of a community
...
FRANKIE. huh
...
ALEX. why am i telling you all of this
ALEX. i told you it was a non-story
ALEX. it might have still been a cult
FRANKIE. no, i think it's a story
FRANKIE. but yes, most likely a cult
ALEX. anyway i was thinking of posting a missed connection for him

===

"have you ever considered joining a sorority?" - w4m - 26 (downtown coffeeshop)
Reply to: *************@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-08-28, 12:59PM CDT

... is the question you asked me while I was trying to close the register last night. I was pretty convinced that you were trying to recruit me for your virgin-sacrificing cult, but after you left, it occurred to me that maybe you were flirting with me?

Sorry if I was a little stand-offish. I was trying to count 20's. And, you know, avoid the occult.

===

ALEX. should i be googling "the occult" at work?
ALEX. i'm writing an MC
ALEX. (sends link)
ALEX. is that offensive?
FRANKIE. i don't think that's offensive
ALEX. am i going to get nasty emails from a coven of 19-year-old wiccans?
ALEX. can i say coven?
ALEX. now i'm googling coven
ALEX. i'm going to get fired

===

ALEX. i'm posting on the blog now
ALEX. highlights from this convo are included
ALEX. though you seriously have like three lines
ALEX. due to my excessive talking
FRANKIE. there are no small parts, only small actors

photo credit bitzcelt

Cause we need more reasons to show up in a creepster's Google search

I simply couldn't help it...this one was too good.

To the girl with the vagina - m4w (Upper East Side)

You are a girl, so I am pretty sure you have a vagina. The whole time I was thinking about talking to you, I was also thinking about your sweet, sweet vagina.

Vagina, vagina, vagina! The word flows off of the tongue like some sort of pagan incantation of carnal delight. I would have loved it if you had wanted me to stick my ding-dong in your furry cookie.

If you read this, and you are interested, send me an e-mail. (I know, no one reads these, right!?) But if it is you, describe your vagina to me in detail so I know it is you. Just to be safe, you should also describe your breasts. (Not to be a creep, but I want to be certain that it is you.)

Well no, you certainly don't want to come off as a creep.

Sometimes I'm Happy When the Connections are Missed

Saw you on Brooklyn Bridge, with some guy? ? ? ? Sunday. - m4w - 27 (The Brooklyn Bridge ? ? ?? )

You were on the Brooklyn Bridge, posing for a lot of photos. You kept saying they made you look like a hamster (loudly). The dude you were with was fat, gay.

Me: disheveled guy you thought was homeless, talking into imaginary cellphone.

Coffee?? ? ? ?

Maybe make out ?
------------------------------------------

Oh yeah this guy's a winner- you go get him girl!

A Brief Lesson in Rapacity

Avid readers of this blog will recall a recent post regarding an email I received from the creepy "cutie with a beanie" guy, who apparently needed a lecture on letting go. If you're not one of the dedicated few, please direct your attention here before going any further. So yeah, this guy (who goes by the pseudonym "JJ" by the way) was weird. But in the back of my mind- because I'm an idealist (or slightly delusional) - I still thought perhaps he wasn't actually a creep. Maybe he was just a passionate person who thought we shared a strong connection and got upset when I stopped responding. And just because I was not feeling it, that doesn't make him a total weirdo right?

I still chose not to respond. But I left the window of hope slightly ajar, just in case the breeze of second chances and renewed prospects was to come a blowin'.

Then I found this.

So this guy is officially a serial missed connection responder. He does not even live here, yet he looks through the NYC MC's like it's his part-time job.

Fuck second chances. If you think he's creepy- go with that.

back on that horse

So the ladies of Misconnecting in the City have been going through some Life Changes lately, what with many a job/school/city in with you live switcheroo, so maybe that's the reason we've been so lax. But hey...we're going to make a concerted effort to chronicle our shenanigans for you once again.

This post was one to which I responded rather than posted. I don't actually have the exact wording of the ad, as I didn't think to save it, and it is now lost to the winds. Suffice it to say that it was a list of things this dude promised not to do (the one I remember being "Text you at 4am and just say 'Hey'") and a list of things you promised not to do, should you reply ("Tell me about all your ex-boyfriends before we even meet"). It was amusing, and wittily written, but the thing was: I didn't find it when I was trolling the ads as I am wont to do. No, this was found via a search while I was researching a project. I'll let the emails take it from here.

To: S
From: Frankie
Subject: the circuitous route to your craigslist post

Actually, that's a lie. It's not THAT circuitous. A friend of mine has enlisted me to help her write a cabaret show influenced heavily by both Lolita and the tale of Myrrha, and part of my research was looking to see what sort of "sugar daddy" posts there are on CL. So when I searched the term "sugar daddy," your ad was one of the results. [Editor's note: one of the things he promised not to do was act like a sugar daddy, or something. I don't really remember.] That's pretty much it. Not much of a circuit.

I enjoyed your post. That's pretty much it. I have gotten the 4AM text message and the "your friend seems hot." I have known girls who have overshared with men/overcommitted to men too early (note: the past tense is used here for a reason; if they were friends of mine, they aren't anymore). A little crazy is fine. A lot crazy is scary.

To: Frankie
From: S

Glad you enjoyed my post, even if you did get to it in a semi-circuitous way. Speaking of oversharing, I didn't even post the story about the girl who hadn't been on a date in 2 1/2 years, got hammered, and proceeded to tell me every intimate detail of her last sexual encounter, her bikini wax earlier that day, the way she pees on public toilets, and just about
everything else you can imagine.

To: S
From: Frankie

Nice. I'm trying to conjure up an image of how all those things could flow, conversationally, but I'm not that good a writer. The peeing on public toilets part is especially difficult to fit.

To: Frankie
From: S

I might've given you the wrong you the wrong image, she doesn't intentionally pee ON the toilets (I don't think), she was more describing the hovering style that sometimes causes a mess. I don't know if that makes it any easier to fit.

Is your real name Frankie?

To: S
From: Frankie

ah. gotcha. still kind of a conversational rigmarole, though.

i wish i could say that my given birth name was frances and that i go by frankie, but no...this is my "i hope you're not a crazy stalker-type person, random craigslist ad writer, so i'll test the waters with a nom de web first" pseudonym. it's not even really close to my actual name except that the last is german-sounding.

i assume your real name isn't [his obviously anonymous email handle]...but there was that couple that wanted to name their baby "4real," so i suppose anything's game.

To: Frankie
From: S

I guess I'm not as creative as you, I didn't feel like making up a fake name. I just needed an e-mail address that I could abandon quickly when the spam got too bad (or if I started getting stalked). There's only so many Viagra and sex webcam e-mails I can tolerate in a day.

This is the part where it stops being even a little bit interesting and starts falling into "so what are you into?" land. Mind you, we have been exchanging emails for a couple of weeks at this point, so we finally do the pic-trade, and he sends me a photo of himself next to some dude dressed like Hugh Hefner, explaining that "This pic was taken at a "lingerie party" at a bar, thus the idiot next to me dressing up like Hugh Hefner. Don't worry, that's not me nor is he a friend of mine."

The thing is, that while S is definitely cuter than Hugh Hefner Guy, empirically, I wouldn't really mind going on a date with a guy who is either a) confident or b) ridiculous enough to dress that way, even if it was just once. Does this mean S is going to be boring? Eesh.

So I bit the bullet and gave him my number. S, not Hugh Hefner Guy. Maybe I should post an MC for him.