Sleep No More

{photo via Couche Tard}

I posted this because I thought the idea of posting a missed connection for an event where everyone was masked was, if not highly original, at least amusing. I got a couple responses. Here is one back-and-forth with responses in italics:

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I saw you there. I think you were wearing a creepy white mask? We had a moment in the graveyard. Or maybe the creepy bathtub room. Or maybe it was in the elevator. In any event, I liked your shirt, because I couldn't see your face, because of the mask.

Awesome show - and funny cl post!

Haha, I was hoping it would amuse someone! Glad to know it worked.

Yes it did :) how did you like the show?

My favorite part was the goat rave orgy. What was yours?

Orgy was out there. A/s/l?

75/h/the moon

Ha. H?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hermaphrodite

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a/s/l? REALLY?! How long has it been since you've seen a/s/l? Are the kids still doing that these days?

Please don't have an ass like a coat hanger - 38

[funkypancake]

I read this while perusing the MCs the other day:



Let me apologize to the thinner women, you are all beautiful I just happen to prefer a rounder profile. Really I am just a man who is past the waifs , the spindle legged hair tossing prancers who pass on lunch. Curves are very womanly. Shake what you're Mamma gave you and enjoy those curves.



Your/you're confusion aside, there is some nice turn of phrase apparent here. But I was REALLY confused by the title. So, as I am wont to do, I wrote him:



A coat hanger? I don't even know what that would entail. I've heard other similes for flat bottoms - pancakes, dinner plates, etc., but never a coat hanger.



In any event, that description does not apply to me.



And he wrote back:

Frankie that is a good news!


the coat hanger - was a woman, poor thing,on the subway it was almost inverted.

I am pleased to hear such good news, can you tell me a little about you




STILL SO CONFUSING

Yes, there are Psych tie-in novels

[photo via dr romana]

It was ever so crowded on that car when you got in, but really, at 5:30 on a weekday, that's to be expected. I'd been reading the Psych novel with a picture of Shawn and Gus on the front on the train with a tiny amount of shame - not because I don't love the show, because I do, but because, really? There are tie-in novels? And I HAVE one? Who AM I? Someone who is going to see James Roday in an off-Bway play I know NOTHING about simply because he is James Roday?

Okay, that is who I am.

Anyway, when you commented on what I was reading and asked if it was good, it made me feel a little better about my decision to rot my brain with that "book." So, thanks.

Also, your facial hair was impressive.

Normally the Only Hot Cops I Like Are the Ones GOB Knows

[photo via Robb1e]

Our neighbors were burgled yesterday, which seriously, seriously sucks for them. They seem like nice dudes. But then: you and your partner came to interview my roommate and me regarding the burglary. When I told you my last name, you told me there was an ultimate fighter with the same last name. "You related? I thought maybe you could get me an autograph." Sadly, I'm not, and I can't. My roommate thought you were flirting. I couldn't tell, because I was too distracted by your dimples.

If I can get over my inherent distrust of authority, we should hang out sometime under better circumstances. Bring the cuffs.

Update 12/16: I only got two responses to this post. One was short and boring, and the other was the following, which is at least entertaining, if nothing else.

Hey hun.. you . I think my friend is the guy who was the cop who interviewed you. Because my friend told me that he interviewed to cute girls that lived next to some guy who got robbed. But i dont know what the chances are that you are the girl because i never look at this part of craigslist.. and i tried it 2day and found this and i thought that was funny and weird if ur that girl lol

Dude with Derelicte Shoes

I just assumed you were gay, since I assume every cute dude I meet is gay until proven otherwise (I find it saves time). Plus, you were selling stuff at a craft fair, so...signs were not pointing in a straight direction.

But maybe you weren't? And you actually really thought my shoes were rad in the way that straight dudes can totally find girls' shoes rad? Your own shoes were apparently, if you are to be believed, stolen from a homeless dude. Which is rad also.

In any event, you were cute and I would totally shill for your wares anytime.

Christmas Porn

[photo via AmandaB3]

You: cute improv boys perusing our "free" shelves at the tail end of our stoop sale.
Me: tired lady hawking books and DVDs, including "The Bitch That Stole Christmas" with hot elf action.

You seemed cool. You wished me a Merry Christmas as you left, while I was trying to hide the porn from the children that walked up. I hope you enjoy your items - you really should have taken MILF Handlers with you, though.

I posted this last night, like, 10 minutes after the described encounter. So far, three responses:

The Opportunistic Perv:
Gee, I missed your yard sale. : (
Is "The Bitch . . . " DVD still available? It sounds like a good addition to my eclectic collection.





The Dim Romantic:
im watching sun night football (well - watched, game just ended) and poking around.your post is absolutely hilarious. im wondering if any normal people post ads on craigs list. whatever normal means. probably just not creepy?im 27, originally from bklyn. im not creepy. and im smart, cool, fun, good looking, etc. just seeing who's out there..




The Realistic:
Your posting made me laugh, thinking of you trying to hide the porn from the kids. Thank you for that.


All I ever want is to make people laugh, y'all.

To our one reader left...I'm back in the swing of things!

Crunch- 8 pm - The return of the missed connection and Ponytail 2.0 (minus the ponytail) - w4m - 26

you: dark brown hair, dark eyes, navy shorts, white shirt, black sneaks & socks, unbelievably gorgeous
me: red head, tan top, black pants, serious staring problem

Ok so I'll admit I've seen you at the gym before....and I have definitely noticed you. But tonight - I was seriously staring you down! I was checking you out when I was on the elliptical and found it hard to concentrate. I think you sensed me watching and you went upstairs. I don't blame you - I might be creeped out too. but I have to tell you - I am NOT creepy I promise! You are just so cute. I saw you again as you were leaving. I was working out with a trainer and ran to get some water. I almost bumped into you and we made eye contact. We held it a little longer than "normal," so I'm thinking you might think I'm cute too. Or you were noting my facial details to fill out a restraining order. Either way, I just wanted to let you know that you were the best part of my workout.

Non-Speed Dater at the Black Rabbit

You: charming-looking bespectacled fellow at the corner of the bar
Me: brunette saddled with an awkward internet date

I put our empties on the corner of the bar where you were sitting and bumped into you. Oh, how I wish I had been there alone so I could have talked to you! I was frantically trying to envision a way to get my card out of my wallet and slip it into your coat pocket without the strange man with whom I was on a date noticing. But before I could figure it out, you were gone. Let's go there and not be awkward.

Taking It to the Next Level

Nice.

MKE to EWR to Penn Station

They brought us a "snack box" with a packet of sausage, which seemed oddly appropriate, since I was the only woman passenger on the very light flight from Milwaukee to Newark. I was the girl in the green beret, gripping the arm of my chair in fear during takeoff; you were the fellow one row back in cute glasses and an earflap hat. Then I saw you on the train to Penn Station. I resolved to say something if you'd followed me onto the subway, but alas, that was where our paths diverged. If you're a fellow Midwestern transplant, hit me back and we can go to a bar where they serve Spotted Cow.